How to Pimpslap Like a Professional.

Subject: How to Pimpslap Like a Professional. Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:00 am

Okay, mini pimps. Is everyone in attendence? Alex, Tig, Emi, Ellie, Keiko?

...

No? Whatever. Dun care. Ask my right hand, Paige-chan, to give you the notes, 'cause I never explain something twice.

Why did the first class take so long to be in session, you ask? Well, I was busy ~~sleeping~~ ~~eating~~ pimping.

WELCOME TO PIMPING 101, HOES~

Your first and foremost lesson:

Pimping isn't a profession -- it's a lifestyle.

Got it? Good! MOVING ON!

The basic manuvouer for a pimp is the ever-useful pimpslap. If one of your hoes get out of line, a good smack does wonders.

Get a pen and paper if you must, 'cause I'll be explaining how to pimpslap in full detail.

1. Inform your bitch that you are displeased with their actions/words. (Eg: "SHUT UP. G-SUS. Am I gonna have to slap a bitch?!")

2. If said bitch refuses to co-operate, pull prefered hand back to at least neck height.

3. Let them have it with a swift backhand. If you miss, quickly aim for the back of the skull. Works just as well.

4. Remember to keep your hand firm. If you're floppin' around like a semi-stiff erection, that ain't gonna hurt NOBODY. ((LULZ ERECTION, WHUT?))

5. Warning: if you are soft-hearted or bruise easily, wash your hands of the whole thing. YOU AIN'T NU PIMP. D<

And there you have it.

FIRST LESSON COMPLETED!

If you have any questions, proceed to ask them here before I toddle off to my office to ~~take a nap~~ do serious work.

Until next time, hoes~

Cooky Dizzle. ((*shot*))

Posts : 7 Join date : 2009-08-14 Age : 28

*writes notes down like a good little student*

Cooky-sama? *raises hand*

I was wondering, is there any tools to make a pimp slap more efficient? Such as rings or gloves? Or would doing this be to much and we should just stick to bare hands?

Subject: Re: How to Pimpslap Like a Professional. Sun Aug 30, 2009 1:29 am

Cooky smacks a leather-bound ruler (compliments of Nena's skillz, of course) into the palm of her hands several times, a ~~less-than-sane~~ grin plastered across her lips.

"No gloves, and no rings. They leave bruises and/or scars, which can trace back to you." She sighs, scratching her temple with said leather ruler. "I've been there, and it is not a pretty affair; believe me."

"Try and follow our pimp forefathers' example and go bare. It makes you seem more legit, anyway."

Cooky holds the metre-long ruler behind her head with both hands, her posture slouching into a more comfortable stance as a lazy grin replaces the ~~quite frankly, creepy~~ one from before. "Any more questions?"

Posts : 7 Join date : 2009-08-14 Age : 28

Ellie stares at the magical ruler that seemed to appear in Cooky's hand out of no where beofre gving a quick nod and writing down more notes.

"I'm all good Cooky-sensei."